There is ass-kissing and there is ass-kissing. Not all of it is the same, the one, most obvious and hated kind is when you try making people to what you want by not being genuinely nice and polite. I condemn that one. The urban dictionary defines it with a quite poignant example:
“If a boss ordered everyone to come to work in a pink tutu and bunny slippers and someone started praising the order as if it were the greatest thing since sliced bread, that would be ass kissing.”
The other kind of so-called ass-kissing is often wrongly described as such. It is my opinion that genuinely nice people get along easily with others, no matter if it is people you can get something from or not. Inevitably, people will notice at some point that you are nice and they will also want to give some of that back to you. Why would you condemn somebody, who benefits from that? Would you condemn a person for being randomly and generally nice at work, school, uni, private life or any other environment. I would not. Others, as a matter of fact, many do. They speak of these people as ruthless ass-kissers whereas in reality they are only envious.
Thinking of some who are wrongly accused of being ass-kissers, we can ask ourselves the question, why is there this second type of ass-kissers, who does not do it for a particular reason. Is this person simply nuts, stupid or irrational? Moreover, why does not everyone act that way just for friendliness’s sake?
Being actively nice to others requires you to be happy. Getting something back eventually for being nice is a logical consequence. People are nice to others for many reasons, I suppose that the following are some:
- They value other people and want to be valued likewise
- They enjoy human contact more rather than loneliness
- They are genuinely interested in others and also express this openly
Analysing the mentioned reasons a friend, colleague or stranger is likely to develop a sympathy, rather than without conversation or openness. Genuinety of those creates a situation of comfort which evens the way for a less superficial relationship. The same phenomenon we can observe when with a not to well-acquainted friend a special moment is shared or something special is being discussed. Something that you would not tell anybody just as if it was the weather forecast. If you tell this person you actually value him/her a lot for his loyality and honesty. If the other person is surprised because he/she would have never expected that because you just don’t speak about this usually, then this phenomenon just happened. And what you feel afterwards is a somewhat deeper relationship that connects you more than it did before. Comfort. Intimacy. However, maybe I’m wrong but maybe not.
People with the ability to be truly interested in others and who are nice, simply enjoy speaking with people, those have definitely freed themselves from the chains of the imaginary and yet strange pressure of today’s society. Today, as soon as you are nice to a person of whom you could benefit in some way from you will be condemn as a ass-kissers. A liar, a ruthless bastard. Not always but more often than not.
If you are one of those type two ass-kissers, let me tell you, it is just about right what you do. From politeness and friendliness only more of that can grow. Whether it is your boss at work, teacher, lecturer, coach, friend or uncle it can only be the right. It resembles Karma, what goes around comes around. It is not ass-kissing, it is, in fact, not being a complete idiot, hiding yourself and hope something good will come falling from the sky. If you think so I hope something hard will hit you from the sky that makes you realise that.
Don’t kiss asses but enjoy human contact with all your conversations, calls, emails. Let curiosity guide you. One way or another, it will get you further and you will feel happy with yourself.