The London experience – Episode 1 – Tough beginnings

Posted by semironie | News | Thursday 19 August 2010 23:04

As you probably could interpret from the title of this blog post I will write about London (UK). So, I’m living in London for the next couple of months and it’s going to be legendary. Before, however, several things need to be sorted out.

It was a lovely Thursday evening when I first arrived at Gatwick Airport. There was I and my luggage which was no more than it should be. 20 kilograms of clothes, stuff and more stuff. Basically, enough for anybody, anywhere and for however long. After my arrival I went to a good friend of mine who provided accommodation for the time needed to find a place on my own.

Starting to communicate a.k.a. get a SIM card

If you ever look for a flat in London you will need a cell phone and a SIM card. I only needed a SIM since I already posses a phone. Where do you get a SIM? Let’s say T-Mobile. I went to T-Mobile because it seemed quite a good offer I saw on the internet before I went to London. Unfortunately, I was informed that I needed a UK bank account for that. Thrilled and enthusiastic I approached HSBC Bank to open an account. I waited for a couple of minutes and was then served by an employee. Once more I didn’t succeed since I had no address yet because I was staying with my friend. In fact, I did not even know her address.  So I was fucked. It seemed like a vicious cycle.

No SIM without bank account, no bank account without address and no flat without being able to contact people.

I stepped out of HSBC and just opposite there was a Llyods Bank which charges you 6£ a day for unplanned overdrafts with your VISA debit card. I did not know that and don’t mind about it now but you should consider it if you ever think of opening a bank account in the UK. I went to Llyods Bank and for some reason the lady there told me that she couldn’t open my bank account without my employer’s contract. Again, I had no idea what to do. My first day in London almost ended without a result. I nearly couldn’t check anything in my checklist. Despite all the obstacles that were thrown in my way by destiny I didn’t even for one moment consider giving up. I approached another T-Mobile because I really needed a SIM card to be able to communicate. Such a basic need and those cold-blooded, competitive providers tell their potential customers to go away and open a bank account. And those even more cold-blooded banks telling me to go a get papers and a place to live. Anyways, I was again in a T-Mobile store and this time a much friendlier guy told me that I could not get that special offer I saw on the internet because it needs contract. He offered me a pay as you go SIM with internet booster that kind of stuff for a fistful of pounds. I was good to go. Relief spread through my body when I succeeded getting a SIM card. I was keen to continue my quest and open a bank account. I went to another Llyods Bank and a much friendlier woman was able to help me. She could open an account and needed no contract; even my workplace address was good enough. Simply splendid. I now had a SIM, bank account and was ready to seek for flats.

Where are all the Brits?

Gumtree, easyroommate, spareroom were my source websites to help me find a room. Gumtree in particular is fantastic. It’s well-known and hundreds of ads are posted every day. I don’t have much money that’s why I was looking for a cheap room in a flat share or house share. My budget was about 350£ which is not a lot. I’m talking about 350£ per month, not per week. It’s so exciting to look for flats in London. You’re sometimes scared, wondering, feeling awkward or just like a place. Which place you take depends on your budget and your interests. I wanted to be with at least some British people who I can talk to and improve my English. 7.5 million people live in London but I honestly can’t tell where the English people are in London. I’ve been to 6 flats in 6 days, all in different parts of the city and only 2 were not occupied by Uzbekistanis, Italian, French,  Japanese or Indian people. I’m not xenophobic I was just really wondering where the heck the people were that supposedly live in this country. At long last, I found a flat and it’s a great place. Doesn’t cost me much more than expected, it’s close to work and comfortable.

Silent pilgrims in corporate uniform

My first day at work was interesting. Interesting is neutral. Many impressions shape my first day. I was still at my friend’s place and I used to walk over London Bridge for the first couple of days which is quite cool. It starts at about 8 am when you see people in suits heading towards Bank. Thousands from all sides. Fat, skinny, white, black, small, tall, short, good-looking men and women in their suits march towards those huge, lifeless, concrete building owned by banks and insurance companies. So was I.

It’s fascinating that amongst all those people still almost everyone manages to be alone. No matter how stuck the tube is, no matter how close you site besides someone in the bus, people just wouldn’t talk to you. If you ever want to be alone and not disturbed go to Europe’s largest city, you will get more privacy than in any godforsaken village.

That was the first post of many to come. I already have had loads of other adventures but 1000 words is enough for now. Next time I will start an experiment. Talking to people in the tube.

Shutter Island

Posted by semironie | News | Friday 2 April 2010 23:42

Hi y’all

I have just watched that new film Shutter Island starring Di Caprio. Firstly, don’t worry I’m not going to spoil the entire plot with the end you would have never expected, I mean who comes up with such a script. The guy is called Scorsese and I hope I just spelled that correctly.

Anyways, that movie is remarkable in terms of the tension that is being built throughout the whole film. I literally did not get up once for over two hours. The movie is shocking and lacks truly no thing except maybe for a better audio line, AC3 sucks.

I imagined being in such a creepy place and just couldn’t stop thinking about it. What if I were in such a place completely sane and suddenly everybody says “your nuts”, “you belong here”, “you must stay here”, “you are a danger for society”. Mental illness facilities like that one are absolutely scary and I have no intention of going in there at all. I always imagine people who were lobotomised or drugged so that they are not capable of expressing themselves anymore. Such things just scare the hell out of me. Aren’t feeling everything we got? Everything is linked to our brain and if our brain gets mashed up by hardcore drugs what is it that remains?

Quentin Tarantino

Posted by semironie | News | Sunday 30 August 2009 16:57

This short scene is a very well-known one from the cult film PULP FICTION. Samuel L. Jackson and John Travolta want the suitcase of their boss back from those guys. But as it’s a Quentin Tarantino movie it’s very special one and the dialogues are just really crazy sometimes.

“Hamburgers, the cornerstone of any nutritious breakfast”

The mention what a quarter-pounder cheese is called in France and he says it’s called a Royal with cheese. The reason is the metric system which has not quarters or inches or anything like that everything is decimalised.

In the U.S. there are pounds as a measure for weight or inch for 2.54 centimetres of the metric system. Today we still use inches to describe the size of screens for example. A 42 inch LCD.

By the way, the word “fuck” is used 271 times in that movie.

Vocabulary:
smart = intelligent
beverage = something to drink

Interview with a terrorist

Posted by semironie | News | Friday 17 July 2009 23:59

Today, we’ll watch a excerpt of the David Letterman Show. The show is a typical late night show, late night shows are quite popular in the U.S.. David Letterman is just one of those guys who invite stars to their show and talk with them about recent films, books or anything else that interests the audience in the states.

So, here we go with tonight’s guest whose name is Sacha Baron Cohen. A well-educated Cambridge graduate of history and entertainer best known as Ali G. and Borat. He’s introducing his movie Brüno which is coming into cinemas.

Reviews of Brüno idicate that the movie is a has-to-be-seen one for people who can neglect the immorality and disgust of the film itself and see its message behind showing that a lot of people are just pretending to treat all others equal.

USA Today wrote:
Brüno offers more shock value for your moviegoing dollar than any other movie this year.

LA Time wrote:
Brüno is an idiot savant of penetration — breaking through borders, boundaries and anything that resembles good taste on his way to whipping up as much cultural anarchy as he can[...]

Vocabulary:
excerpt = one part of the whole
recent = quite now, not long ago

The Killer

Posted by semironie | News | Friday 19 June 2009 17:00

Barack Obama has killed a fly. Oh, for heavens sake, how could he just do that? It’s on all news:  TV, radio and newspaper. It’s like this would be the most important piece of news I have to hear about today. God, that man is the most powerful man in world but killing a fly doesn’t make him something better or worse than us and it’s not in any way more interesting than when I kill a fly.

Some people do even read too much into it and judge the whole foreign policy on this deed.

For example:

Examiner.com writes:
“He is not interested in alleviating the suffering of all beings.”
“He’s behaving just like he did with the fly, acting without considering the consequences of his actions.

See the entire article

PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) thinks he should have “exercised more restraint”.

All those people are just exaggerating.

Let’s imagine a different situation. Let’s say hypothetically that this fly -- rest in peace you little insect -- wouldn’t have been killed by Obama.  Killed is such a strong word, isn’t it? Anyway, I think that newspapers would have written about how the most powerful man in the world could not do anything against it or that he is a sissy not being able to kill a small even a small fly. This sounds like non-sense but what we watched, heard or read actually is non-sense too.

There’s a very suitable saying in German for such things: “Aus einer Mücke einen Elefanten machen” It is quite funny because in this context it fits even more than usual. Which in English would be: “Make an elephant out of a fly”. Mücke means fly. An English idiom which means the same like the German one is: “to make mountains out of molehills“.

So much for today. Thank you.

Just if someone’s interested, the brutal and vicious kill of Obama -- Ninja Style:

Vocabulary:
kill = make stop living
read into = interpret
exaggerating = to make something seem more than it actually is

You’ve just reached semironie.ch

Posted by semironie | News | Friday 5 June 2009 14:36

And you may be asking yourself: “What on earth is this site supposed to be?”

Well, I am a learner of English and I try to improve my skills all the time. So, I decided to build that little blog here and post regularly some interesting bits of news or anything else that’s on my mind. You, who reads my posts, are free to comment on them and tell me what thoughts ran through your head when you read it.

Tell me if I’m right or if I’m wrong. Tell me about my grammar and other mistakes. Tell me everything you want me to know.

This blog’s purpose is to improve my language. Fortunately,  technologies of the 21st century allow me to share my knowledge, tips and also mistakes. I hope that someone out there will like this blog and that it will help people to benefit from what I’m doing here.

The end of the first post is the beginning of www.semironie.ch. Enjoy it.